想握住你的手 這是我的祈求 請你別走.

Listening to: Wang Lee Hom // 請留住你的腳步

Listening to Lee Hom's music never fails to put a smile on my face and a song in my heart. (:

***************

Someone that I know, is no longer the person that I once knew.

And it breaks my heart to see them throw away their lives just like that.
Just to get wasted. High. Inebriated. A momentary fix.

I know that you didn't want me to find out.

Guess what?
I did.

You're an idiot, you know. For doing things like this to yourself and the ones who care for you.

If you're reading this and know that I'm referring to you, you're no longer a part of my life.
Because you just never seem to make the effort to keep this friendship going.
I ask you what's wrong, you shut me out. You push me away. You tell me that I would never understand.

Well, fuck if I care.

I give up.

***************

Someone has been telling me that I need a so-called "best friend".
As a "back-up" of sorts. A secondary crutch. A Plan B.

How many times do I have to tell you that I do not believe in that concept?

The very idea is perplexing. To me, it appears to be a chagrin misconception.

"Best friends forever", they say.

I scoff at your inane ability to think in such a positive light.
To place the ones around you upon a pedestal. Trusting them with all your heart and soul. Baring every bit of your being to some person who claims that you're all they have and vice-versa.

There is no such thing.

The distaste I have for it.
This unpalatable, acrid emotion welling up from inside of me, rising up my throat, latching itself to the roof of my mouth.

It disgusts me. It disgusts me to know that I once believed that.
That once upon a time, the saying "best friends forever" meant the world to me.
That once upon a time, my innocence coruscated so brightly.

No more. And it has been that way for years.
The harsh, cold cruelties of reality have forced me to think otherwise.
The vigor and ardor I once had, gone with the wind.

"Close, perhaps. But never your best."
The very mantra that I have been abiding by for years.
For I live with a touch of apathy and a tinge of misanthropy.
Which is the way things should be.

It may only be a wish away.

Listening to: Carrie Underwood // Ever Ever After

I believe that my level of boredom has surpassed that of any other.

For the past week, I have been lazing around the house like the sloth I am, doing what is absolutely necessary for survival and playing Pokémon Ruby, Okami & the first instalment of Devil May Cry.

Terribly productive, I believe.

Plus, the most exciting part of my week was going out to dinner and baking brownies with the witch and ripped-pants boy.
Trust me, things are not supposed to be that interesting with them around.
Okay. Maybe slightly amusing, but never this exciting.

God, someone just put me out of my misery.

Don't ask me why.

Listening to: Dong Bang Shin Ki // Heart, Mind & Soul

If anyone wants to ask me about how the performance went, don't.
The guys were good, I wasn't.
Be quiet and just let me forget about it, okay?

But, I have to give props to the boys.

Thanks for putting up with a cranky, stressed-out and sick girl.
Thanks for reassuring me, getting me Panadol for my headache, bottles of water for my throat, driving me around and well....just taking care of me.
I appreciate it. (:

Just so everyone knows, my voice sounds extremely "sexy" now.
Joy to the world.

*****************

Some things just tend to pass me by without even a passing glance.
Some things just leave me behind as it moves forward, bringing joy into the lives of others.
Some things just don't come around knocking on my door.

Why?

Am I THAT despicable? THAT obnoxious? THAT ghastly?
All that to the point where it seems practically impossible for me to have what others do.
To the point where I no longer feel as though I have any glimpse of hope left.
To the point where my faith is quickly waning, slipping further and further away into the vacuum of a black hole.

The answer has eluded me for too long. Much too long.

I want to, no, I need to know.

Why?

We are the conscience of the roads that we once walked.

Listening to: Fightstar // Our Last Common Ancestor

I have discovered that I am no longer capable of writing superficial and shallow posts.
Everything that drifts across the dips and curves inside the dome of my skull end up sounding serious and melodramatic even when I don't want it to.

Silly mass of neurons and gray matter.
Where have you hidden my imagination and wit?
Stuck behind those economical theories and points of law, no doubt.

Note to self: Stop being so serious, you party-pooper. Drama queen much?

I can't remember what the hell I wanted to write about.
Damn it.
Foiled yet again by this thing I call a brain.

*sits self down on c-box*

Think, think, think.
Ponder, ponder, ponder.
Turn, turn, turn.
Time waits for no man...blah blah blah...yadda yadda yadda.

Discuss Catherine and Rodolfo's relationship up to this point in the play with close reference to the text.
Alfieri's role as "chorus" appropriate. Mentions that the weather is cold = cold atmosphere in home between R & C.
Discuss the effects of inflation.
Affects income, brings about balance of payment deficit, causes E|R to drop.....
Statutory interpretation.
The literal rule, mischief rule and golden rule. Intrinsic & extrinsic aids may be used. Whitely v Chapell / R v Sigworth.

I blame stress.

Stop patronizing me, you insensitive witch, not that you'd read this.
I told you not to call me fat, stupid or any other insulting name you love to bestow upon me, but you just had to!
And now, karma has intervened by putting a giant hole in your pants.

Ha-ha. Ha.

You should have just worn the lab coat to the car instead of pilfering a pair of just-fits-you-nicely-shorts-that-you-borrowed-from-someone-who-lives-in-MyPlace (phew, what a mouthful). What a sight that would be. Oh, what a sight.

Double and triple ha.

I am thoroughly amused by this.
And the fact that Alialialia and I will be making an expedition to the land of Otak-otak 2 days before the Semester 1 Exam.

Fun.

I’m nauseated by the polluted rot that’s all around.

Listening to: Linkin Park // Frgt/10 (Alchemist ft. Chali 2na)

I have decided to make a list of the 100 things that I would like to do before I die.
Watching this video influenced this decision.

Just knowing that there's so many things for a person to do before Death himself, comes knocking on your door.
It inspires me somehow.
Knowing that there's so much more to this dreary existence.
A purpose. A meaning.
It all makes sense.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to do something you've always wanted to without any inhibitions? With nothing and no one in your path to stop you?

Liberation, I say.

The best part of this mission? Helping a person to achieve their dreams after crossing off one of your own.

I'm sick of stressing. I'm sick of always trying to adhere to the normalities of society.
I'm sick of it all.

I want to live my life. It's not the time for it now, but I will do it.
I will live.

The first step is always the hardest.
Making this list will be that first step.

Now, pray tell. Would you take that first step with me?
Then again the real question should be: "What do you want to do before you die?"