The world in a kaleidoscope.

Listening to: Dong Bang Shin Ki // Asu Wa Kuru Kara

Kaleidoscopes remind me of Life.

In science speak or at least that's what Wikipedia is telling me, a kaleidoscope is a tube of mirrors containing, loose coloured beads or pebbles, or other small coloured objects. The viewer looks in one end and light enters the other end, reflecting off the mirrors. Typically there are two rectangular lengthways mirrors. Setting of the mirrors at 45° creates eight duplicate images of the objects, six at 60°, and four at 90°. As the tube is rotated, the tumbling of the coloured objects presents the viewer with varying colours and patterns. Any arbitrary pattern of objects shows up as a beautiful symmetric pattern because of the reflections in the mirrors. A two-mirror model yields a pattern or patterns isolated against a solid black background, while a three-mirror (closed triangle) model yields a pattern that fills the entire field.

Well, you probably didn't read that, but no matter.

Again, I got to thinking. This wonderful invention that is capable of creating wonderfully symmetrical works of art, really reminds me of Life.

Note that this is a mere interpretation from the point of view of a deranged typical teenager who has not yet experienced life in all of its glory.

First, there's the mirror. Which is basically just the World.

Then there's the beads. For me, the beads symbolize People. Always moving here and there, constantly changing in order to conform to the twists and turns that the person holding the kaleidoscope makes.

Isn't that what the world is like now?

We tend to change our behavior, the way we speak, the way we look at things, the way we act in front of others when it is required. Simply put, this is a typical example of social conformism.

As I grow older, I become more wary about the way society works now. We tend to brush aside our own opinions, our beliefs in order to make it seem like we are with the "in" crowd. Suffice to say, I find this sort of behavior quite pathetic. Frankly, I hardly believe that it is absolutely necessary to agree with everything someone famous says.

Based on personal experience, I have met countless of people, myself included, who have struggled with trying to fit in and making ourselves seem like the people who we are the absolute opposite of.

Take for example, one of the former trends that Malaysian youths were once oh-so-obsessed with: silicone wristbands.

A year ago or maybe two, nearly every teen I saw on the street could be seen sporting one of these on their wrists. These wristbands main function is to raise social awareness amongst those who have absolutely no clue about what is going on in the world. I may not have anything against them (except for the fact that they are extremely ugly), but was that the reason WHY these teens were constantly waving around 5 of them at a time?

That cynical side of me is highly doubting that.

I am not trying to be pretentious, but you hardly ever see anyone wearing them anymore because it isn't an "in" thing anymore. Go on and admit it, you know you want to.

What I am trying to say is, has Malaysian youth become so shallow and so preoccupied with trying to be trendy that they are perfectly content with shoving their own individuality out the window?

I admit, I was one of those "wannabes" you see in the movies that the preppies would constantly scoff at, once upon a time. Somehow, after being deemed as a social outcast back in Primary school, a part of me just wanted to be accepted.

However, looking back, I can now see that I was going about it the wrong way. Instead of making people like me for what I really was, I felt tired for having to constantly put up a facade in order to please those around me.

Obviously, I got sick of it. Which is probably why I have a sort of vendetta against those who have a desperate need to be "popular" and "trendy".

I don't see the point anymore. For one, keeping up with the latest trends tends to create a giant hole in one's pocket. Two, you lose yourself in the process that you create a completely new personality for yourself.

For all you know, your former personality could have been a lot more likable than your new one.

Again, why would anyone be willing to throw away his or her quirks that make them who they are?

If this continues, we are going to be stuck with dozens of Paris and Lindsay wannabes trying to emulate them by driving under the influence or going to rehabilitation centers.

I can practically hear individualism flushing its way down the toilet, courtesy of the lost youth.

*flushes toilet*

Education for the masses. To go or not to go?

There have been several things that have been constantly nagging me from the back of my mind lately. Sad to say, it's been taking a toll on my mental health due to an over-excessive amount of thinking as these thoughts are not of sugar-high unicorns with horribly annoying voices, Korean boy bands or leprechauns with crocks of gold at the end of a rainbow.

One of the things I'd like to bring to light is the education system which is quite frankly, causing a lot of grief for the likes of primary and secondary school students.

After attending a talk today that was conducted by the alumnus of DJ, namely former winner of the Dublin Literary Award, Andrew Loh and co-founder of tinkosong.com Ng Eng Han, I just felt a need to question the education system that is currently in place and its way of working with the so-called Future of the Nation.

Needless to say, I was rather impressed by their vim for the subject matter of continuing one's education further in the USA.

With sentences that were peppered with words like liberal arts philosophy, need-blind admission and the ever-famous Ivy League, I could not help but feel rather...well, intimidated by the very thought of going to America to pursue a tertiary education.

However, at the same time, I felt rather exhilarated just by imagining myself surrounded by students from all over the world, coming together in a single campus in order to pursue their passions and/or to find out what it is they really want out of life by taking different courses at once.

Ah, the freedom a student has in the United States! The joys of tertiary education in the land of the free! How I long for it! How I yearn for the promises that colleges and universities in the United States made to be fulfilled! How I languish for the experience I could gain by leaving this peninsular and never looking back!

How I dream of the financial means and the smarts.

Now, here is where all the doubts come pouring in.

Yes, I am aware that the r i c h colleges are perfectly capable of providing a full tuition to the students who require it with no strings attached.

Sounds too good to be true doesn't it? Sadly, in most cases like these, there is always a catch.
A L W A Y S.

For one, you would have to be academically successful. Two, you would have to be active when it comes to co-curricular activities.

Do I look like someone who is good at both of that?

Didn't think so.

But, I digress.

The whole idea of pursuing an education in the US is to broaden your horizons. To bring out something in you that you have never known of until now. To help you understand what is it you really want to do for the rest of your life. To gain some extra knowledge concerning a subject that has fascinated you for the longest time ever. A far cry from what's being drilled into us at the moment.

The question of "How many A's did you get?" has been nothing but common ever since our primary school days. Which brings us to a different question, what does having over 4830948603 A's mean in Malaysian society?

I don't really see the point in having 18 A1's. Sure, it paints a rather pretty picture on that little slip of white paper, but with the standards gradually decreasing over the years, I can't help but question the situation.

Thus, race is dragged into this giant mess of a canvas.

Racial discrimination has been constantly tied together when education is brought up (or at least that's what I'd like to think!). We hear more and more stories of Malay students getting more privileges when it comes to well, pretty much everything!

Even before we were born, when Tunku Abdul Rahman signed that piece of paper that would grant us the freedom that we were fighting for, Bumiputras were the ones in charge. Armed with special rights, they were the big kahunas, the Godfathers of our country sans the Italian accent and murderous tendencies, the Zordon to our Power Rangers.

That was a rather immature way of describing it, but you get the drift.

The point of this is that Bumiputras are still the ones who are getting the most privileges and opportunities. So, I really can't blame the Chinese for finding ways to get out of this country and obtaining PR statuses in other countries.

Here is an excerpt concerning various controversy's that involve the Bumi's;

In 2004, Mohd. Johari Baharum, parliamentary secretary of the Prime Minister's Department, stated that the PSD scholarships would remain quota based. He added that there were no plans to convert this to a merit based system, and that the total value of the PSD scholarship since 1996 was 2.4 billion Ringgit.[8] There have been reported cases of students who failed to get PSD scholarships, but were later admitted to leading universities.

In an autobiographical book, "A Malaysian Journey", by Rehman Rashid, the author claims that the teachers are pressured in the universities to give favorable grades to the bumiputra students, even if they have inferior answers compared to the non-bumiputra students. He also suggests that the grants given by private corporations to students may in fact be unofficially earmarked to bumiputra.

This sure doesn't look like equal rights to me.

But, that was then and this is now.

Former Prime Minister Tun Dr. Mahathir Mohammad has bemoaned the extreme reliance of Bumiputras on their privileges: "We have tried to tell them if you depend on subsidies, you are going to be very weak. But they don’t seem to understand. We tell them if you use crutches, you will not be able to stand up. Throw away the crutches, stand up straight because you still have the capacity. I have talked about this thing and as a doctor I know very well the meaning of crutches but somehow or rather they want the easy way out. If I get an AP and I sell it and make some money, it’s all right, they say."

Mahathir (who was also education minister previously) also said in 2004 that Malay graduates tend to have low employment rates because "the Chinese graduates choose the right subjects so they are employable. We find that the Malay graduates, especially those from the Malay stream, can’t speak English at all. No matter how much value you put on a certificate, the fact remains that an employer wants somebody with whom he can communicate. The employer is not Malay, he is a foreigner. And if he’s not going to be able to communicate with you, he will not take you."

Furthermore, the Malay students, with Government-issued scholarships and study loans, tend to take up subjects like Syariah Law, Islamic History and other Islam-related subjects. Instead of choosing to learn English and taking up subjects that are of more secular tangible benefits (e.g. Engineering, Medicine, etc.) some have gone to great lengths to further their studies in Middle Eastern countries, learning Arabic in the process. The results of this stunning lack of pragmatism is unfortunate - in June 2006, it was revealed that a batch of 169 students sent to the Al-Azhar University in Cairo had difficulties with the Arabic language, resulting in only 5 students making it through their course.[9] The Prime Minister, Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, had strongly criticized this trend among Malay students to choose "simple subjects" which are worthless in the job market.

The current (2006) Minister of Higher Education, Mustapa Mohamad, has stated that that he wants public universities to recruit more non-bumiputra academic staff in order to "strive for world-class institutions", which may signal a move toward less racial profiling in academia.

Its about damn time, I say! Thank you for at least attempting to change the way the education system is being run.

Once againd, I digress. Back to the subject of education in the US.

People keep asking me why on earth do I want to pursue my education there? Why not Australia or Singapore?

For one, if you knew me well enough, I have been true to my word of making music the only thing I will ever do in my life. I don't have any backups at this point and I am absolutely certain that I want to go to Williams College of Music. Mainly because it is extremely prestigious and I'm allowed to take a minor. Second, Wang Lee Hom also went there.

You heard me. One of my biggest musical inspirations went there and that's why I want to go there.

Oh, how shallow and obsessed of me.

But, if push comes to shove, Berkelee always makes a great second option.

So, you see how much I want this? How much I want to be able to fulfill my dreams? Dreams that cannot be fulfilled if I stay in this country.

I hate being all philosophical at times like these.

I should be a bimbo. I could so pull it off. I could dye my hair blond and make seafood poses.

OH MY GOD, I BROKE A NAIL.

See? Point proven. :)

I so just invented a word to describe myself.

Bimbo + Philosopher = Bimblosopher.
I'm a freaking genius.

Boom.

Listening to: Kelly Clarkson // Never Again

A huge congratulations to Dynamitez.
BOOM.

*****

I swear that Yoochun has never looked this good ever since DBSK's debut. Must be the hair.


Yeah. Definitely the hair. AND LOOK! BOOJAE BESIDE HIM. <3

Because vampires are awesome.

Listening to: Epik High // Nocturne (Tablo's Word)

Vampires are cool.
Especially when they have guns and crazy-ass demonic powers.

& Dear Lee Hom, please don't get rid of your chinked-out style.
Can someone buy me some McDonalds now that I've seen these pictures?
The song for the commercial is hecka catchy too. Reminds me of "Bu Ke Neng Cuo Guo Ni" for some reason.

My blog has a lot of pictures lately....

If I ruled the world, every man would be as free as a bird.

Listening to: Wang Lee Hom & Tony Bennett // If I Ruled The World

edit @ 12.16pm

OMG PAIN. I HATE PAIN.

Here's a question.
If all I ever do is eat, sleep, go online, study, go to school, go to tuition, play video games, watch TV, listen to music, play the piano & guitar and sleep some more....

Why on earth do I feel so tired and drained all the time?
The ironic thing is I sleep like a pig. (^(..)^)
OINK OINK!

OMG SUGOI!!!

Currently watching: Honey and Clover, Devil May Cry

OMG SUGOI!!!!! DANTE!!!!!

Yeng yeng yeng YENG!!!!!

I also like Morita-senpai because he's funny. SEE!
I love anime. <3 -insert otaku moment here-

Jaejae's really sexy despite the fact that I like Yunho the most.

Listening to: Cheon Sang Ji Hee // 한번 더, OK?

Hi. Jaejoong is one sexy piece of man hunk.

His skin damn nice lah. Even nicer than a girl's. TT____TT.
Hatiku sangat sakit lah.

I also mentioned in a previous blog post that he has the smallest waist ever.
I mean, OMGWTF!HISWAISTISEVENSMALLERTHANMINE?
I really want that 24 inch waist......*goes green with envy*

He's still a sexy piece of man hunk though, and he has the most haunting voice ever.

But, I don't wanna be biased and leave out my other 2 sexy man hunks where one has crazy musical talent and the other who has crazy dance moves.


Aiyah sorry lah. I know that I have a very boring blog and very boring blog posts that mainly consists of rantings, spazz sessions about hot guys and other boring stuff. But you can't expect much out of a person who doesn't go out, right?

I like boys. Sadly, boys don't like me. So it's a total one-sided thing which shouldn't come as a surprise to most people. But so far, it's been a rather effective way to prevent heartbreak. So, that's probably a good thing. But then again, I like boys. Especially super-duper musically talented ones.
Yes, I am rather shallow. But that's because I've never met any of them before. I just know what I see from their performances and TV interviews.
But, I swear that I am not THAT shallow/superficial in real life [fine, maybe I am]. Cross my heart and tell no lie or stick a needle in my eye *sticks needle in eye*.




Also, can someone bring Hankyung home for me so he can make me Beijing Fried Rice? Zhi and me totally agree that he could be a really good house husband.

You can probably tell that I'm really bored right about now.
I am also contemplating on whether or not to go to Cheer 2007/Prom Night....Hmmmm....

Ugh.

Listening to: Dong Bang Shin Ki // Balloons

I've been feeling really frustrated with everything lately that it's not even funny.
Sure, I act all happy and hyper when I'm in school. Pshaw, so what? Big whoop.

I snap at practically everything, anything and everyone [especially Mommy, sorry Mommy]. I get pissed off really easily. I hate myself a lot right now. I keep doubting my capabilities more and more everyday especially when it comes to realizing my ambitions.

Cynicism perhaps? Maybe [this really seems like a major case of PMS though. Not like I would know. I'm not a doctor]. But I haven't felt this bad since 2005, so I think something is really off.
Thank goodness suicidal tendencies have yet to emerge.

The future looks rather bleak.
I don't think this is very good for my health.

That's what I go to school for.

Listening to: Story Of The Year // "Is This My Fate?" He Asked Them

Back to school with our lazy bums.

Oh joy. I've seriously been DYING of boredom over the past 2 weeks.

I also think that I regained the weight that I lost through 3 straight days of binging.

For example, on Thursday, I went for this huge steamboat dinner at Damansara Village. On Friday, was SUPPOSED to go to Shangri-La hotel for buffet lunch, but ended up canceling because of that huge steamboat dinner. Then on Saturday, went to CHAMPS for dinner which was absolute crap because Daddy refused to wait for a table at Pizza Vino which has the yummiest salmon pasta ever. So, Mommy, Sister and me got pissed off and we ended up ditching Brother and Daddy and went to Dragon-I for Szechuan Spicy and Sour Soup & Pear with Almond Nuts Soup. Then today, went to Lai Po Heen at Mandarin Oriental for the best Dim Sum in town. After that, we went to Dragon-I again for Pear with Almond Nuts Soup & Pumpkin with Red Bean Soup.

Tell me can gain weight or not?

I don't feel like blogging much lately so don't mind the boring posts.
I should stop and concentrate on studying.

Computers, televisions and game consoles rot your brains.

Listening to: Nicholas Teo // If

Supposedly I'm known for being a bookworm.

Wiggle wiggle.

However, if I somehow do not seem like one, I beg to differ. For you have been strongly misled by my enthralling wit and charm. Now, prepare for the shock of the century.

I just spent RM 600 on books at the book fair.
*please insert jaw-dropping moment here*

What an irresponsible act! Reckless! How absolutely, positively audacious! How on earth did I spend such a ludicrous amount of money on mere books?! How distressing. I could have spent all that money on *gasp* clothes, shoes and manicures!

Now, see here. Books have proven to be a valuable asset over the centuries before the cries of, "BEHOLD! THE DAWN OF A NEW ERA!" erupted all over the world when computers were invented. Just so you know, these books are going to last me until AFTER the SPM.

God bless the day when we can finally free ourselves from the dreadful jaws and claws of public examinations. Amen.
[note: I am not Christian. Repeat. Not Christian. Buddhist, kaythanks.]

But that's not the point of this whole post. The point is books are good for the soul. Especially when you're bored and/or depressed.

For as long as I have known, books have always been one of my escapes from reality, other than music of course. Problems that I've encountered in the past have merely added to my already voracious appetite for literary works that have been forever immortalized in pages and pages of crisp, white paper.

Despite all that, my command in the English language hasn't improved very much since my Lower-Secondary days. This can be clearly noted in my Literature homework. Atrocious. Utterly unacceptable! Now, that just depresses me considerably. That's not what's supposed to happen to someone who is capable of devouring book after book after book. But then again, I just have to blame the television, computer and the PS2 for ruining my relationship with books.

Dear children. Stay away from computers and game consoles especially, because once you start, you're never going to stop.
Also, don't drink and drive. Oh yes. And don't do drugs. Practice safe sex. Don't self-harm.
Oh poopie. Just don't be stupid. Now I'm being stupid.Gah.

Anyhow, I have lots of books now and I'm a happy camper. I also used "and" in the beginning of sentence. Someone fix my grammar for me? I also didn't plan on writing an entire essay on this.....