The blues will haunt you constantly.

Listening to: Alicia Keys & Frank Sinatra // Learnin' The Blues

Stress levels 1 month ago: 5%.
Stress levels 2 weeks ago: 10%.
Stress levels now: 100% + an extra 1 million %.

whaddafish I feel like stabbing myself with the closest pointy object available.
doesn't help when you're surrounded by people who have something that you don't.

rooooooaaaaaaaaarrrrrrr.

Edit
I am officially..... a nerd.
Whoo hoo!
Marcus Chong, I art nerdier than thou! Beat that!

Been slaving away over past year papers for Econs and my Law textbook for the past week.
My textbook looks like its been run over by a bus.

My brain is turning into mush as we speak.

And my hair is temporarily straight now. (:
I love. Too bad it goes away after 2 days. ):

Donate to the Help Yi Ming Straighten Her Hair Fund please.
I think I look nice with straight hair. :D

Her fiery green gown sneers at the grassy ground.

Listening to: John Mayer // Bold As Love

I was watching "Meet Joe Black" for the 298602835 time just now.
I swear to God, every time Brad Pitt appears on the screen, my heart melts.

The way he stands, the way he speaks, the way he smiles.
Just makes me want to rip off his clothes and go "RAWR!!!!"

Seriously. The sexiest man alive. Next to no one.
Now. Anyone want to join Operation Kidnap Brad Pitt?

sigh. :)

****************

For as long as I remember, I've always been the sort of person to cling on to another.
Like how mistletoe attaches itself to a silver birch. Living off the other's nutrients.
Sucking everything dry until there isn't any air left to breathe.

That is exactly what I do.

I don't do it on purpose though. I just can't help myself sometimes.
It's probably because of this overwhelming fear I have.
The fear of having to go through life alone.
The very thought is daunting.
It eats up every inch of me in a way that you could never imagine.

And you ask me, "Are you okay?"
No, I am not okay.
I am not okay because I find it pathetic that I have to latch on to everyone.
That I have to always look for a certain reassurance from the people around me.
To know that I am important and that I might just be able to play an influential part in a person's life.

Inferiority complex, perhaps? Low self-esteem?
I blame all of that and more.

You don't know anything about me.
So how can you say that you understand?

Slow dancing in a burning room.

This has got to be one of the most beautiful songs ever.
With the most soothing melody and terribly profound words.

It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.

I'll make the most of all the sadness,
You'll be a bitch because you can.
You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can't understand.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

Go cry about it - why don't you?
Go cry about it - why don't you?
Go cry about it - why don't you?

My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room,
Burning room,
Burning room,
Burning room,
Burning room.

Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?

John Mayer, you're a fucking genius.

***********

"My heart dies to look at you."

Scraped across the wooden floor.

Listening to: Funeral For A Friend // The Diary

I used to think that I deserved everything bad that has ever happened to me.

I used to believe that all this grief and hurt I hold in my heart is a form of retribution for my past misdeeds.

All of my sins, being repaid for through this typhoon in the depths of my soul.

I used to assume all of that and more.

And it nearly tore me apart.

Not any more.

I could just learn to love again.

I forgive you.

And now, I have to forgive myself.

That last one, takes time.

Hold on for a little while longer.

One measly little factor.

Here I was, thinking that we could give this a shot.

***********

Class outing to KLPAC later. I can't wait. :)

update.
The play was amazing. The company was good.
Laughing, joking, racing to see whose car could get to One Utama fastest and fooling around in the arcade.

Just thinking about it puts a smile on my face. :)

I try to find the words that I could say.

Listening to: Simple Plan // I Can Wait Forever

There's so many things in my life that I said I would do but haven't done.

Why is that?

Time constraints? A fickle nature? Absence of companions to follow things through with me?

I know not. Perhaps it all does come down to the lack of hours in a day and the lack of minutes in an hour.

Oh, how I hate that.

************

I'm thoroughly enjoying my time with the 3 monkeys I call band mates.
I had never written anything close to being decent before this nor have I ever composed my own melody.
But now, here I am. Coming up with words and progressions that I never knew I could ever come up with.
With some even being written on an impromptu basis.
It just strikes me as so surreal. Surreal to the point where it amazes me.

Every session is a new experience in its own.
Keith with his nonchalant demeanour and love for "emo" music.
Kelvin with his invaluable suggestions on how a certain melody or lyric should be and his constipated singing face.
Jeremy who always manages to keep the mood light-hearted and his obsession with Pokémon (=.=).

It's been good working with you boys.
Thanks Kelvin for bringing me into the fold. :)

Oh. I haven't been hanging out with our other guitarist enough to say anything about him.
Someone bring him out of hibernation, please.

Being involved in this has provided me with so much closure about what I want to do for the rest of my life.
And I'm about 99.9% certain that I'm taking the right path.

Have you thought about what you wanted to do with your life?

The Dot.

To my dottiest friend,

We may have only gotten closer in the past 4 months in the one year and a half that we've known each other.
However, I'm thankful for every second of those 4 months.

You've not only seen my at my best, but also at my worst.
You've seen me laugh (like the jakun I am XD). You've also seen me cry.

I've harassed you about your work so many times that I think your ears might decide to fall off if I nagged you further.
I've survived being bitten, poked, pinched, prodded, koala-ed and dotted (this goes both ways. lol).

And I'm prepared to be bitten, poked, pinched, prodded, koala-ed and dotted for a long, long, LONG time.

Happy Birthday, Ying Xian.

I DOT THEE.

And just so you know, that was stolen off your Friendster. :D
Love you, friend! The dot the dot the dot the dot.

You're one of those lights that's driving away.

Listening to: Ryan Cabrera // Echo Park

Once upon a time, you told me that nothing would change.
That everything would remain the same.
Even if we were a million miles away.

Sorry. But this time around, you have been terribly mistaken.
Everything has changed.

You. Me. Them. Lifestyles. Surroundings. Interests. Personalities.

It's okay though. I've accepted it.
"Let bygones be bygones", they say.

I'm leaving you behind.
I'm prepared to. I'm taking that step.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Lift off.